Four vampires and a baby
by strangedoll
Summary: Nadja and Laszlo find a baby and decide that they are ready to be parents. With the help of Nandor, Colin and Guillermo of course. Fluff and humour (sometimes dark).
1. Chapter 1

_So I had shared in joke on the tumblr of the headcanons on whether Nadja and Laszlo became parents... People seem to have loved a lot so I decided to be a story: these are chapters that will not necessarily be in chronological order (except the first two). Feel free to suggest ideas. Enjoy your reading. _

_5 years ago_

-I'm going to show you something and then you couldn't stop yourself from turning me!

-Oh really, Evelyne? Laszlo said, clearly doubting the statement.

-It's Elveo, corrected the familiar.

-I'm sure it says your name is Evelyne on your ID card., Nadja continued.

-No, it's my human name. Elveo is my vampire name, she says with a big smile.

-You're still a mortal. And I didn't change my name when I became a creature of the night," Nadja said dryly.

-Well, I'm not like other vampire or human girls. And it's only a matter of time, well better get people used to it now.

She didn't seem to realize that only missing a better option for a familiar would prevent Nadja from killing that pretentious, misogynistic little shit. Special people don't have to say it every 5 minutes and if she thinks Nadja was going to have supported her for the rest of eternity, she sticks his finger in his eye up to her shoulder.

-Whatever, what you wanted to show us? continues Laszlo.

Evelyne had insisted that they go to his apartment to show them something. After the familiar invited them, they had signed them to move into her small living room. They had heard another heartbeat in the apartment but Nadja took it for granted that it must has be a pet.

Evelyne proudly took out his laptop and when she opened it started explaining to them:

-I found a way to have you deliver virgins as often as you want with a minimum chance of falling on a lemon.

-If you're talking about Christian dating sites, we've already tried it and it's not great. It's hard to get rid of all their crucifies and for a rate of barely a quarter, Nadja laughed.

-Oh no, I found something much better," she said proudly, turning the computer towards them, revealing its content.

Nadja and Laszlo bend over to see and look at the screen before Laszlo asks:

-I didn't know it was still legal to sell children.

-Oh, it's not selling. Some are even free. They are adopted or foster children who cannot stay where they are because no one wants them, are not manageable or for whatever reason.

-Isn't there some kind of legal protection? The last thing we want is to attract the attention of the authorities...continued Nadja.

-Nah, adopted children are not like biological children: you can simply hand them over with a notary, or even just an oral contract. Readopted with a discount or dropped off at a children's fair is also an option, no checkup background. You will have no problem! Just give different names and at worst use hypnosis, everything will be fine, she continued with a shit-eating smile, clearly proud of herself. -I ordered one, you know, I'll get it for you, by getting up without waiting for their answers.

-So that's the second heartbeat…Laszlo said as he looked at his wife that would keep an indecipherable expression.

-Here we are, said Evelyne, on the way back holding a baby seat with a child 2 years old or younger was tied up a car seat. The child tries to get out of the seat, irritated but otherwise seemed in good shape.

-I was lucky, I found this one for free. They wanted to get rid of her and I suppose they could send her back to her country of origin. Probably because she's a dirty little brat. I almost gave him nightquill but I didn't know how long it would take to get him out of her system. But don't worry, she's clean, healthy and virgin.

Laszlo just looked at Nadja waiting for her reaction.

\- Are you comfortable with what's going to happen to her?

Evelyne replied without hesitation.

\- Of course, you have to live well. I mean, we have an overcrowding problem, no one wants her, and her future is not exactly bright. A life of abuse, probably falling into crime and dying young by giving nothing good to society except to create another kid as bad as she is and that will be a burden to all the society. It's compassion in a way to stop it now and allow her existence of service to something.

Nadja smiles then before turning to her husband:

\- You know what, I'm in the mood for a little meal. Do you want to eat to, darling?

-No, I'm fine. I'll take care of the rest.

Evelyne put the toddler on the floor and started to undo her collar, excited about the idea of being turn.

Except that Nadja went to her while Laszlo freed the toddler from his seat.

-..I..I think Laszlo was going to turn me…

-No, but don't worry I'm in the mood to show some compassion and allow you to serve to something better, Elveo, Nadja said in a soft voice.

The woman didn't even have time to try to escape.

* * *

Okay, Nadja lied a little bit: there was nothing who look like compassion in these actions. But Elveo was doing something positive with his pathetic existence.

Laszlo, for his part, tries to keep the little one focused on him rather than Nadja. For a reason he never really understood, babies like him and he also appreciates them...until they start crying.

-No, no, look at me, little one…

But the toddle seemed uninterested in the vampire holding her in his arms and more curious about the noise caused by Nadja and their former familiar.

Suddenly a little blood was thrown and drawn right into the toddler's face.

-Oh sh..," Laszlo began, were preparing for the tearful outburst that was to follow.

But the tears never came, the little girl just laughed.

Laszlo was first surprised before smiling amused. He would have liked that the one he found in the 1930s had a good spirit like this one.

-Well, well, aren't you a terrible bantling?

The little girl started laughing again but also spreading blood on her face and hands as if it were paint.

\- Oh no, lass. Don't do that, you must stay presentable, Laszlo began to say and as if by reflex, he is licking his thumb to rub the blood off the toddler's face to clean it.

-Awww!

Laszlo turned to see Nadja who had abandoned the body mangle of their ex-familiar and looked at them with pure adoration.

-Darling? Everything is fine?

\- Of course, everything's fine. Look at this little armadillo, shed said taking the toddler from Laszlo's arms who were chirping with joy at the attention she was receiving. - You're small but you have hard skin, aren't you little one? Are you want to come with us, baby?

-WHAT? Can't you be serious?

-And why not? You heard that bitch Evelyne, she's ours, nobody wants her. Look! Look! She already loves us, Nadja continued while rocking the happy toddler.

-At her age, she must love everyone! Or have the worst instinct for survival ever, try to reason Laszlo. -She's charming enough to make you want to eat her, I'll give it to you. But you see us taking care of a lass?

-I know how! I had to take care of all my brothers and sisters since I knew how to walk. I still remember.

-Well, I don't. I was the Benjamin and all I had to know about it was how to make them.

-You can learn, or we can take a familiar that also be a nanny. And why so much hesitation, Mr. I turned a baby because I was bored!

\- I said I was sorry! And I don't understand why you want to repeat my mistake!

\- I don't want to turn her, I want to raise her!

\- You are interested in playing mommy? Laszlo asked surprised - I never thought you'd regret not having children.

-I don't regret it. I don't regret being married to someone I don't like, having to lay a herd of children for him, putting my life on the line until he has the male heir he considers worthy of him and making him 6 more in case he dies on the way. But having only one with someone I love whose only request is to be healthy and who won't destroy my vulva, or even tear me to the anus. I think…I think will be easy I'll let myself be tempted," Nadja said, rubbing her nose against the one of the little girl's. -Isn't that wonderful, my little one? I don't need you; I want you!

-Not destroying your vulva is indeed a great benefit. My mother's vulva had to be a masterpiece before me and my sibling went through it, said with horror Laszlo in front of the realization.

Then he got back on track.

\- I tried it once, it was a fucking disaster! They're so cute for two hours and then they cry, ask for your attention, break your stuff and throw up on the beautiful capes you bought them. Let's put her in front of a door with a note saying she's from a noble lineage and wish her good luck.

\- Because my darling, you and your sex are raised thinking that children are dolls with a heartbeat. You can play with it when you want and when they cause problems, they stop being yours. But you know better now. We take care of her for 16 years, at worst 19 years, we all learn what there is to know and here we are: a baby vampire who already knows everything and ready for eternal life. And we're not going to be the fourth to abandon her!

\- The fourth? What do you mean?

\- The people who made her, the people who paid to have her before changing their minds, our bitch of ex-familiar and us, listed Nadja. -That's a lot for a little innocent thing like her.

-And for that reason, I want to write a letter saying that she is the secret heir to a fortune. No one will dare to get rid of her like that, Laszlo continued proudly before noticing his wife's look at him. The look that says you're going to sleep in the attic for the next year.

\- Very well.

Laszlo was shocked to see that he had won the argument. And by be the more the mature person of both! Oh, it feels so good!

\- Go carry her to a place where she will be fine. I want you to bring me back some proof later, continued coldly Nadja.

Laszlo's smile faded

-… Aren't you coming with me?

-No. You don't want her, Laszlo. All right. But my heart is breaking, and I don't want to be on the list of people who threw her away like garbage, said Nadja giving the toddler to Laszlo who was following the conversation without really understanding.

-Don't you think you're overreacting a little? And your heart is broken after having known for her less than a quarter of an hour?

-Yeah, you're right. We won't know the situation his blood relatives are in; it would be unfair to put them in the same bag as the others. And as far as I know, I haven't known you as long when I offered you immortality.

It was a low blow, but Nadja liked what she saw in that little girl. And if life was less terrible now that when she was still human, being a foreign woman without a family was always the worst. She couldn't save everyone (or kill all the idiots), she could have done something for that little girl. A beautiful waste.

-Nadja, swee…

-I'll wait for you at home, cut him off Nadja before turning into a bat.

* * *

Laszlo had finished "cleaning" whatever's her name was apartment and picked up the little girl's things. Putting her back in her seat was probably the most complicated part of the whole operation, but Laszlo finally convinced her after giving her a plastic figurine of the deceased. Laszlo had finally made his way to a neighborhood not too far from theirs where the families seemed abundant.

-So let's see: I think there are at least 3 houses with people who have children. These ones have a pool, would you like to live with people who have a pool?

The toddler looked up at him and pushed a kind of happy squeak.

\- I'll take that as a yes. I'm sure it'll be fine, bantling. Let's go meet your new parents.

The little girl squealed joyfully again and reached out her hand towards Laszlo's face. She still had blood on her hand and tried to get Laszlo's mouth close to her like he was animal to feed in a zoo.

\- No, I'm not a pony and I'm not licking old dry blood that doesn't even come from a virgin. Don't do that, the next person you do this to may not be as merciful as I am and eat your cute little fingers.

Laszlo pretended to bite his hand. The girl tried to kick him by pushing what Laszlo identified as a war cry...if you were a puppy that had just stopped suckling his mother. Laszlo grabbed the foot and mocked gently:

\- Missed! I am the winner of our duel.

Laszlo came down very quickly when he heard a sound of whining.

-Hey, all right. Let's say a tie game! he said, letting go of his foot. -It's blackmail, I didn't even squeeze your foot, I just stopped it.

She continued the sound; oh no Laszlo is not in the mood for child screaming while the day rises in 2 hours.

Well, more than he to take her out of her seat and just hope it will just work with his voice. He began to hum the first thing that comes to mind. It was not his fault that his hypnosis only works with animals with music. And let's be honest, at this age, there's not much difference with a cat.

To Laszlo's great joy, the toddler began to fall asleep quickly in Laszlo's arms.

-We're not so smart now, are we? Laszlo said softly. - Nobody wouldn't guess the she-devil that you really are like that, bantling.

The little girl just put herself more cozy in Laszlo's arms. He observed one last time before whispering:

-Goodnight sweet princess and flights of bats sing thee to thy rest. You'll be home soon…

* * *

Nadja was worried, Laszlo had still not returned, and the sun will rise in half an hour. What was taking so long? Maybe Nadja should have crushed on her pride and helped Laszlo. She wanted the kid safe but not at Laszlo's expense.

Nadja was about to try to call her husband by the void when a taxi stopped in front of their house. The driver exited; his eyes empty to get out of the bags in the trunk.

Laszlo also gets out of the taxi to go to the driver:

-Just put the bags in front of the door and you will forget your last customer and his payment, thank you. Oh darling, sorry for the delay, it was longer than expected.

\- Did you drop her at a good place? Ask Nadja.

\- I don't know, dear, maybe you could ask her what she thinks, Laszlo continued, taking the child out of the taxi.

Nadja almost tore the toddler from his arms to her great joy.

\- Not yet all your teeth and already seducing men has your will. You going to be a real vixen when you bloomed! Nadja said with pride.

-Let's see how it goes in the next few days before we make plans for the coming years.

\- Says the vampire who bought enough merchandise for triplets.

\- I know your family had little means, but it's the barely necessary. There are diapers, food, clothes and some toys for the Miss's pleasure.

\- I could have made some for her.

\- My love, they're not fools. They put them at the level of the eyes and hands of the little ones and then it is easier to make a sailor leave a brothel than to take them away from them. If it is the money that worries you, know that all this is the last gift from our familiar and it is possible that I have asked the charming employee if the camera had any difficulties last night. She'll will make sure that this is the case.

-Well if everything is good, we might as well prepare for the day. We all need sleep, Nadja said, removing the little girl from her seat and picking up several bags.

* * *

-Ouch! Guillermo be careful!

-Forgive me, master," said Guillermo in brushing Nandor's hair. -It was a big knot.

-Still, it hurt, complains the vampire.

At that moment, he saw his roommates finally returning.

-Nadja, Laszlo at last! Have you seen the time?

-Good evening to you too, Nandor, it was a bloody long night.

Guillermo then noticed the toddler in Nadja's arms.

-Ma-ma- master, have you seen …?

-Yes, yes Guillermo, they made purchases.

-No master, I mean...

-Hush Guillermo, vampire talking.

-Oh yes, fortunately there are shops open 24 hours. We're going to take some important little things and unfortunately, we had to get rid of our familiar. That's why we are late, explain Laszlo.

-I'm sorry for your lost, said Nandor while Guillermo suddenly backed away, deciding not to insist.

-It's not a big loss, not everyone has a Gizmo, said Nadja.

-It Guillermo…

-Just take the compliment, hiss Laszlo.

-In that case, have a good day, you two. Come on, Guillermo.

-But but Master,

-But but what Guillermo? ask Nandor annoy .

Guillermo pointed the little girl into the vampire's arms.

-Master, you can't let them devour her, she's just a baby...

Nandor's expression changed immediately but Laszlo interrupted him:

-Oh, for pity's sake. We don't eat children. Yes, many look delicious, but virgins only gain their flavor after puberty. Not to mention that they have so little blood and people get really motivated to kill you if you even give it a try.

-She's our little baby," Nadja proudly said.

-Oh, if only that's all it is. Congratulations to both of you.

Nandor then turned to his familiar:

-Look, you're worried for nothing. Nadja and Laszlo just had a baby. They must be exhausted and you're preventing them from going to rest.

-I'm sorry…said Guillermo confused

-You should! Laszlo replied with anger.

-Can we go upstairs and go to bed now? Ask Nadja. -The evening was long for everyone.

-Off course. Sorry again. Guillermo, say sorry!

-Sorry.

-Good.

Nadja and Laszlo headed for their crypt with the toddler without further delay.

-Master…

-What is Guillermo now?

-I just... I didn't know vampires could have children.

-Don't be stupid, we're dead, we can't have any children," said Nandor, exasperated by his familiar.

-So how did Nadja and Laszlo get their child?

It had a long silence during which the realization struck Nandor.

\- NADJA, LASZLO, FLAT MEETING NOW!


	2. Chapter 2

_I forgot to mention in the first chapter that the name Laszlo uses to refer to his daughter is an old Victorian slang word that is a loving term for a bastard child. Yes, it's real and I challenge you to tell me that it's not in character for Laszlo. Also all first names are real names suitable for the time and country of our favorite vampires. I just took the worst._

What are you thinking?! Nandor shouted.

Could you make less noise, Nadja scolded before crying could be heard.

Nadja gave Nandor a dirty look as Laszlo got up.

-I'll take care of it. Thank you for waking her up, Nandor.

-I didn't want to... Oh no, I don't have to apologize! You stole a baby!

-We didn't steal her!

-Oh, I'm so sorry. You took her in after you murdered her parents, how generous of you!

-You really have a poor opinion of us. No, we didn't kill her parents. Our former familiar promised us a lot of virgins. She was the first of what was supposed to be the first of a long lineage. We were expecting someone at least fifteen years older.

-The bitch.

Nandor and Nadja were turning towards Guillermo, embarrassed by the sudden attention. Both seemed more amused than anything else.

-Indeed. But it's not that surprising. If you want to become a vampire, Guillermo, you're going to have to accept that people don't always get better with time, they just learn better to hide their cruelty.

-Yes master.

-The little girl was lucky, I knew people who would have accepted this offer, mortals or vampires, Nandor continued. - But luck wants they tend to have very bad accidents.

-Mehmet? Nadja asked with a smile.

Nandor lifted his shoulders, retorting:

-Hey, everyone can slide off the roof of a church and fall directly into a tank of holy water. But let's get back to the important thing: how would you take care of the little girl?

-I was the eldest daughter of 19 children, I have some experience.

-And Laszlo? I don't know if you know but nowadays, people expect the father to participate in the education of the children. I suppose we could always try to find you a nice wolf, but...

-That's nice of you, Nandor, but we'll be fine. Of course, we risk prioritizing familiar who have experience with children. But until then we'll take care of …What the bloody hell you think you're doing, Laszlo?

Laszlo would appear holding the toddler by the top of her pajamas as far away from him as possible.

-It seems the little bantling had an accident, said Laszlo with a look of disgust. -I'm not touching that!

Nadja rolled her eyes but before she intervened, Guillermo was quick to react and took the toddler from Laszlo, who immediately let her go.

-I can take care of her tonight, master.

-Thank you, Gizmo, you have my permission to go to our crypt and take everything you need," said Nadja, royally ignorant the expression of outrage from Laszlo. -Oh, can we use him to give the baby a bath, Nandor? Please?

-Just for today, accepted Nandor. -You can go, Guillermo.

-Yes Master.

When he left the room, Nadja allowed himself a small spade:

-Seriously Laszlo? It was just a little pee.

\- It's disgusting, defended himself Laszlo.

\- Strange, it seems to me that where and when you were born, people weren't very fond of taking baths, Nandor asked sincerely curious.

\- And threw your chamber pots through the window directly into the street, Nadja concluded.

\- Well, I don't know any better and I don't miss it! Laszlo replied frustrated.

Nandor felt remorse for making fun of Laszlo. Being active in the child's life was a modern concept and as foreign as him that it was to Nandor. Might as well not put salt on the wound. He decided to give him a compliment.

\- I really like your choice of name of your child. Is it English or gypsy?

\- What are you talking about? Ask Nadja.

-Bantling, that her name?

\- Oh no, it's just a pet name, explain Laszlo. -We… We don't know what her name is… Any chance she'll be able to tell us? He ask to his wife.

\- No, not so young and it is possible that she was called by different names depending on where she was. And I doubt Evelyne wrote it down somewhere.

\- Well, you can choose something you both like! Do you have any ideas? Ask Nandor.

The couple took a few seconds to think before saying at the same time:

-I like the name Luludja-Fidelia! What?

And Nandor realized he had made a big mistake

* * *

Guillermo found everything he needed in Nadja and Laszlo's crypt. He had to give them this, they had thought of what was necessary. He should still put the food in the kitchen (their crypt was quite cold but not that cold). A large box had been padded with sheets with at least two or three plush toys nearby and placed near their coffins. Guillermo collects diapers as well as clothes (Laszlo's tastes in toddler clothes seemed to consist of christening gown, sailor suit and everything who was pastel covered with lace).

The little girl kept screaming but the hardest thing was to hold her. He ends up picking up everything he needed while the mini tornado continues to try to get out of his grip. Thank God, the bathroom had been recently washed (quickly taught you as a familiar how to get rid of blood stains). If Nadja and Laszlo were serious about having a child, he was at least trying to keep the most...mature aspects of the vampire lifestyle as far away from her as possible.

* * *

-My daughter won't have a tramp's name!

-Then why do you want to name her after your mother?

-Courtesan! My mother was a courtesan!

-Oh I'm sorry, a fancy whore! It's so much bloody better. And Luludja is not a prostitute's name, it means flower.

-Flower? Not even some kind of flower, just a flower? Why don't we just name her Table while we're at it?

-Are you sure Bantling is not an option? Ask again Nandor to receive as the only answer a hiss.

And because life was cruel, a voice was heard:

-Have you decided to stay up late?

-This is not the time, Colin Robinson.

-Why not? Trouble in paradise for the lovebirds? Ask him with his eyes turning blue.

But before Nadja and Laszlo can answer, Guillermo comes back with the child.

-Who is that...? asked the curious energy vampire.

The toddler noticed Colin Robinson's eyes and wanted to approach.

-Blu!

-Colin Robinson, don't you dare sucks my baby's energy! said angry Nadja

-I wouldn't dare. Your baby, really? I didn't know you were pregnant. No from Laszlo anyway, her skin is a little too dark for that.

-We have found her, Laszlo explained.

-Ah, I see.

He approached the child in Guillermo's arms.

-Do you have a plan of action?" he asked, stroking the little girl's hair.

-What?

-Not now, but she's going to have to go to school eventually. Or even just give her a little vitamin D. Have you thought about that?

-Familiar, Nadja and Laszlo said at the same time.

-You changing to it like an underwear, Colin mocked.

-Are you suggesting that Laszlo and Nadja should abandon their project? Nandor asked, ignoring the dirty look them Nadja and Laszlo's given him.

-No, I'm just offering my help.

-And what do you get out of it? If you think I'm going to let you pump the energy out of my...

-I'm not going to touch your kid's energy. We energy vampires are excellent foster parents and caregivers for children. We operate in symbiosis with them. Like the bird and the crocodile.

-What do you mean?

-They are not a food source, but they provide food like no one else. If she is good, people will approach and come to me. If she is capricious, people will tolerate her without doing anything because people are willing to tolerate far more from children that they would not otherwise and I pity the idiot who will have to face the eyes of others by complaining about a poor baby who don't know any better. And, it makes me happy in exchange for giving her all the attention she wants or letting her let off all steam everything she need.

-It's Machiavellian, Colin Robinson. I'm shocked that you're not already a litter for that! says Nandor impress.

-Perhaps one day when I have someone with whom I share this abundance, said with a smile Colin. - So, if it helps you, I can help you out on occasion. For the school, feel free to put me as the resource person. 32 children slaughtering old Mcdonald's farm with the flute is really something I enjoy doing on Friday nights. You'll just have to say that I'm his godfather or...

Nadja made a sound of nausea but recovered.

-Just the word makes you sick?

...Yes, that's it, said Nadja after a hesitation. -But we'll take your offer, Colin Robinson. Isn't true Laszlo? Laszlo?

-Huh? Sorry I'm trying to imagine the concert you're describing... I can wait until I'm in hell to see it. In your metaphor, is she the bird or the crocodile?

-The Crocodile.

-Perfect then.

Nadja rolled her eyes before turning to Guillermo.

-Everything went well with our little one?

-Uh... yes. She is clean and changed but...

-But?

-She has some kind of weird mark on her lower back. It started to heal but it must have been irritated somehow.

-Let me see, Nadja said as she took the toddler and lifted her clothes. Laszlo and Nandor are approaching too.

-Oh, it's just that, said Nandor reassured.

-Just what master? Ask Guillermo.

\- A scare from belt buckle, I'd say.

-What? But she is…

\- A little young for that to happen to her, isn't she? Nadja completed. -Some people don't bother when one in four kids don't survive past their first birthday. I don't see why they would show restraint now that there's all this science to keep them alive no matter what happens.

\- Still, at this age, one bad move and she was mutilated or killed, said coldly Colin.

-Well, she was sold, wasn't it? Clearly, they don't know how to manage her energetic personality. I hope for their sake they never have teenagers, they're much meaner and they bite back, mocked Laszlo.

-Or meets me, says Nadja, revealing her true face.

\- You look upset, Guillermo, Nandor said.

-I'm sorry, master, I'm just a little shock with…all of it.

-It's true that people are more sensitive now. Perhaps fixing before letting her leave with Colin Robinson would be better for the sake of everybody?

\- So I'm going to find where buy a cradle when you take care of it, said Colin.

\- No need, there's one in the basement, says Laszlo.

\- Why do we have a cradle in the basement?" Nandor asked confusedly.

\- It's mine and Laszlo's, we've had it for about sixty years, I think? Nadja asked, looking at her husband for confirmation.

\- I'm sorry, I misspoke. Let me change my question: why did you have a cradle? Was it to attract prey?

\- Oh, don't be ridiculous. Nadja and I had this fun game where she was a poor nanny and I was her perverted boss who...

\- CHILD, CHILD IN THE ROOM, PLEASE! Guillermo screamed in horror as he rushed to plug the little girl's ears.

-Memories are only formed from the age of 4, said flatly Colin.

-But…

-But it doesn't matter, cut Nandor. - Laszlo's going to look for the cradle.

-Why not Gizmo?" asked frustrated Laszlo.

-Because he doesn't know where it is and he has to make the bag for our little armadillo, Nadja replied. -Come on, I don't know about you, but I want to go to bed.

Laszlo growled but obeyed.

Nadja turned to Nandor:

-Are you helping, please?

-Off course.

Nadja took the little girl until she was at eye level and said:

-Look at me, darling, look only at me, baby darling.

The toddler's eyes seem to be empty as Nadja hypnotized her. Nandor took the opportunity to lift the clothes and began to cut the skin marked to Guillermo's horror but before Guillermo could intervene, Nandor rubbed his saliva on the wound, stopping the bleeding and a new bright skin began to form.

-And we're done. The very young children heal very well and with a little vampire saliva, it's like new! Nandor explained with pride to Guillermo.

-Oh look at her! She knows that we did something, but she doesn't know what, laughs Nadja as the little girl looks around confused.

Guillermo file confused too.

-What are you waiting for? Go pack her bag.

* * *

Eventually, everyone could go to bed for a well-deserved rest (except Guillermo). When they woke up, after a good meal, Nadja and Laszlo tried to find a name for their child while waiting for them to come back with Colin Robinson.

-Have you chosen something? Ask Nandor.

-No, because nothing is good enough for mister Cravensworth!

-Oh, I'm sorry if I don't want my daughter to be mocked.

-And as far as I know, Fidelia is no longer exactly in fashion. Yet it was your first choice.

-It's sentimental! The heart has its reasons that reason ignores. But what an excuse for those?" Laszlo said, taking one of the lists that was lying around.

-Jagoda, Kveta, Slava and …I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to pronounce this one!

-It Snezana!

-Sneez-ana? Oh, it's going to be delight at school.

-Oh, please, you're just acting in bad faith.

-Do you want me to look for names from my home?" said Nandor, wanting to calm the other two.

-If you want! I give up, Nadja choose whatever you want. But if one day she gets tired of the stupid name you gave her; I'll only call her by the name she'll choose for herself. No way, she's going through the same shit as me!

-Don't be so dramatic! Laszlo is a very pleasant name, Nadja shouted at him.

-I knows! Why do you think I chose him?

-WHAT?! Scream the two other vampire.

Laszlo suddenly realized what he had just slipped with horror.

* * *

-How are you feeling? Personally, I ate like a king," said Colin, bringing the child home.

The toddler had tired eyes and was drowsy in the cradle. She still emitted a weak sound that sounded like blue.

-Are you tired? It's normal, you worked well today, and you too ate well. We are almost home... I'm dreaming or did your mother make us dessert? I don't know if I can swallow anything else," laughs Colin.

He sees Laszlo desperately tried to reach the handle, but an invisible wall seemed to hold him back.

-LET ME IN! THIS IS MY HOUSE TOO, YOU CAN'T KICK ME OUT! NANDOR! NADJA MY LOVE PLEAAAAAASSSSSEEEEE!

-Hey Laszlo, did you forget your keys?

-NOT-THE-MOMENT, COLIN-ROBINSON! scolded Laszlo with real face now visible.

-Easy, Laszlo, you're going to stress the little one out, Colin continued very calmly.

-It is because of her that I am in this situation, because I wanted to act as a good parent! continued to complain Laszlo.

Colin kept his smile on, put a child in his arms and opened the door and said: -You can go home, Laszlo.

* * *

-Hello, everyone.

Nadja and Nandor were in the entrance, clearly angry with a confused Guillermo.

-What's he doing here? Ask Nandor.

-I let him in, it's not that I'm not touched that you prepared a meal for me as a thank-you, but I'd like to understand what happened?

-What's going on is that we don't know who this person is who claims to be Laszlo Cravensworth, explain Nandor.

-You're being unfair! Cravensworth is really my last name, I just changed my first name! Of all that I have done in my mortal and immortal life, you want to drive me away for that? Nandor, you know how it feels! How can you do it to a friend? …Nadja, darling, what are you holding in your hand?

-Just our marriage certificate. Since it no longer has any legal value, I might as well throw it away.

Laszlo looked like he was about to burst into tears.

Guillermo was the first to be surprised to hear himself say:

-Master, maybe…

-Silent Guillermo, vampire business.

The girl started squealing worried and Laszlo mechanically started running his fingers through her hair before he said:

-For what it's worth, I signed our marriage certificate with my real name.

-Liar, it says Laszlo! Nadja said angry.

-Look closely, please, plaid his husband.

-Guillermo, magnifying glass! Nandor ordered.

Even Colin approached the document leaving Laszlo alone with the baby in the entrance.

-It says L.A.S.Z.L.O…Are those your initials? Nadja asked surprised.

-You have six names? Asking too Nandor.

-Yes. The nobles generally have at least four names, but it can go up to seven. My family was rich, owns land but our order in succession was quite bad. In the three figures and it didn't start with a one. So, I think Father overcompensated a little.

-So, what's your real name? Nadja insisted.

-Is this necessary? Ask Laszlo.

Nadja's expression clearly said, "Are you fucking serious"?

Laszlo muttered something incomprehensible.

-I'm sorry, what? Most people in that room have super powerful senses and we haven't heard anything!

Laszlo took a deep breath and said solemnly:

-My real name is Llewellyn Augustus Stephen Zephyr Livingstone Oral Cravensworth.

Nadja and Nandor seemed vaguely horrified, but Laszlo was more worried about Colin's expression of joy.

-Do you want to call me by that name in public or even in private, my love? Maybe I misjudged and one of them seems like crazy erotic to you?

-I … I think I'll be fine. Laszlo definitely sued you better.

-Your parents seemed to have unusual tastes, tried to say politely Nandor.

-That's what happens when you have three older brothers who don't have the decency to die before you're born. You end up with the rest that no one wants.

-I'm not saying that, Llewellyn. I think they're great. Zephyr is not the name of the little monkey in Babar? said smiling Colin.

-I really should have waited until you were out of the room before saying that, didn't I? Or puncture your eardrums?

Colin who didn't seem to be scare by Laszlo's threat, just nodded.

\- So now that everyone has seen my dirty laundry, can we never talk about it again including you Colin Robinson, and can we find a name for our Bantling before she goes through puberty?

\- Of course, says Nadja.

\- Can't promise, says Colin.

\- Well, while you were thinking about your actions out there, I asked Guillermo to make me a list of names that are in vogue in this century, Nandor proudly explained. -There's probably something good in it. Guillermo lists now!

* * *

Two hours later.

\- No, not Catherine, Nadja said.

\- Why not? Many great women were called Catherine, asked Laszlo.

\- Justly, far too many people have noticed it. -We kill at least one Catherine or variation of her name per week. Can we at least take something less common?

\- Fair enough, next Guillermo!

\- Uh...says Guillermo looking at what little remains on his list. -Elizabeth?

-Oh, it's not a bad choice. Maybe Erzebeth or Elise as the music you love," Nadja said as she turned to her husband.

-No. They're all crazy on one level or another. Some are the fun kind of crazy, but I prefer not to be tenting the devil.

-Next Guillermo.

\- I just have Justine left," said the familiar pitifully.

\- Justine? Seriously? said Laszlo disgusted. -A stupid victim's name? You could have at least offered her sister, Laszlo mocked.

\- I'm not sure I understand...says Guillermo.

-Justine, or The Misfortunes of Virtue by the Marquis of Sade and his sequel Juliette, or Vice Amply Rewarded. They are among the greatest works of philosophy of the French literature. We see who went to university here! replied Laszlo snobbishly.

Before Guillermo could defend himself, Nadja said:

-I don't hate it.

-What?

-Juliet. I think I like it.

-Juliet Cravensworth…It has a nice sound.

Both look at each other before Laszlo dares to ask the dreaded question:

-What are we just find a name that we both like?

Nadja smiled and nodded.

-Finally, I swear that taking Constantinople was easier that helping you choose a name, Nandor complained.

-In fact, we have one more thing to do," Nadja corrected. -For the other names...

-You know what? Keep Guillermo as long as you need him and send him to my room afterwards, see you later Guillermo! Nandor said, already trying to get out the room.

-I don't want to give him five more! Just one more is enough, said Nadja. -And I think I have a name you're going to like, darling. Not your mother's name, she said before she added, seeing her husband's disappointed expression.

-What do you think of Henrietta?

-Like my sister?

-It seems appropriate to me. If your sister and I had never been lovers, I wouldn't have found myself hiding to the ceiling because she thought her husband came home when you were the one arriving to tell her he was coming. If it weren't for her, I would not have seen you, found, killed and given you the immortal life.

-It is true that with my mother, she is the only member of my family that I have never wish to murder," says Laszlo clearly touched.

-Oh it's really beautiful, can't you find Guillermo? asked Nandor.

-I suppose so, master, said the familiar more troubled than anything else.

Nadja picks up the girl from the ground and sits with her against her husband who put his arm around her.

-Welcome home Juliet.

_The whole thing with Laszlo's name comes from a complaint from a British friend who himself did not understand why the 18th-19th century English vampire had a Hungarian first name. The thnig about multiple first names for nobles is also true even if it is not so common anymore: your author herself believed for a long time that the stupid long name mary-sue like was normal because me, my sister, my father and all his side of the family had them (they lost titles, money and land long ago but kept the preppy names)._


End file.
